Language Nerd Alert

I've always felt that the English language is somewhat lacking in the punctuation department. In fact, I don't have enough fingers, toes and teeth to count the number of times my wit or sarcasm have been misunderstood by the receiving party, generally resulting in weeks of silent treatment, death threats or mind bullets being shot my way. Then one fateful day, my brother posted this little language lesson on my Facebook wall and (cue orchestra) it changed my life.

http://9gag.com/gag/6665273?ref=fb.s

Needless to say, this little punctuation lesson made me laugh, giggle, chirp, choke on a sip of tea, etc, etc.

Ya, I'm out.

Apostrophes have rights too

I don't consider myself to have OCD. I love the way a skew painting makes me feel like the whole world is tilted, I can't say I mind too much for nails scraping a black board and I don't particularly get my earlobes in a twist when Mr X rocks brown shoes with black pants. But if there's one thing that really steams my kidneys, it's wrong use of the apostrophe. I'd be lying if I said I haven't typed quite a few snide comments under Facebook statuses in my day, even though I've never had the heart to actually post it.

Now, Ghandi said: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Well, Mr Ghandi, I really want the world to use the apostrophe correctly, so this is me being the change...

Starting with baby steps:

it's vs its 

Now if you're reading this and feeling like...

 

...fear not, fair lady or fiery lad. Once you've grasped that first straw, you'll see it's really not such a scary concept. The first and most basic rule of thumb is (in the words of Shakespeare I think...? I stand corrected): "Dude, you can't just leave out letters and not replace it with something." If you're chucking out letters, the least you can do for those poor mutilated words is to chuck in an apostrophe. This means:

• it is = it is = it's
• it has = it has = it's

So, when you're (you are) writing a sentence and not sure whether to use its or it's, simply ask yourself: Will the sentence still make sense if I use "it is" or "it has" instead?

• If the answer is YES, use it's. 
• If the answer is NO, use its.

Of course, it gets a little more complex down the line - grammar has (it is...? nah) its fair share of mountains to climb, but for now it's (it is) really as simple as that.

No hard feelings...?

With age comes new vocab

Being a grown up is pretty cool, except that it's not. Five years ago, my biggest worry was whether or not these shoes went with those earrings and how on earth I was going to finish a 300 word essay in only two weeks. The fact is, adulthood would be pretty freaking awesome, if only I never had to utter these depressing sentences:

• So, what's the tax submission deadline this year?
• Let me just go put in some petrol, first.
• Did I switch off the stove/iron/oven/heater?
• I wish I could go, but it's my turn to do the dishes.
• What should we do for dinner tonight?
• Medical aid companies these days are just so unreliable.
• Yeah, and food prices are going up again - where is it going to stop?
• That would've been awesome, dude, but I have to work tomorrow.
• I just need to pick up some window cleaner.
• How do you get a tomato sauce/red wine/curry/beetroot stain out?
• ...and then I really need to do some ironing this weekend. 

Of course adulthood has its perks, but for now, let's just focus on the negative.

I'm not old, Just senile

I've always had a bit of a thing for cute kiddie books and always imagined myself writing one someday. Then again, kids have enough nightmares of their own without me implanting vivid images of deranged teaspoons and telepathic space monkeys in their fragile little minds. So I've placed that dream on hold until I can remember where I once buried my sanity or my imaginary drug sniffing police dog locates it for me.

In the meantime I'll just let myself be inspired by kiddies books like this one - knock me over with a five foot spatula if this ain't the cutest thing since Nemo (",)

They can sure teach Cathy and Mark and Boet en Saartjie a thing or two.