10 Ways to Get Killed in an Ad Agency

There are some things you just don't do in an ad agency. This is the first in a series of "copywriter offense lists" that I've either witnessed first hand or personally experimented with... and lived to tell the tale. WARNING: Do not try this at your ad agency.

1. Comment how your PC or Nokia is faster than any stupid Apple product out there.

2. Forget to log your hours.

3. Keep your desk in a state of absolute chaos. Every agency has at least one OCD case sitting in a corner somewhere - rocking him/herself back and forth while planning your slow painful death.

4. Touch the art director's Mac screen when pointing out changes. (Note: If you value your life, do not touch the Mac screen. I cannot emphasise this enough. Stay alert, stay alive.)

5. Request a major design change two minutes before lunchtime.

6. Tell an art director to make the picture smaller and the copy bigger, and while you're at it, mention how your job is just so much harder than everyone else's.

7. Scratch out the art director's sketch and do a "better" one to help him understand the vision you have for this project.

8. Draw any sort of parallel between Photoshop and Paint while in the presence of a designer.

9. Chew really really loudly while rhythmically tapping your foot or stirring your coffee for two minutes straight.

10. Make popcorn in the microwave or entice hungry overworked colleagues with the heavenly scent of your hearty home cooked meal.